"The moon isn’t made of quicksilver anymore..."
"Well, that’s obvious to anyone with eyes; Tanya, perhaps you have a more penetrating insight here?"
"I sang the Seven Notes of Yln and did a bit of alchemic analysis on the resulting sample. Errr... the moon’s made of salty water now, I think it must be from the oceans."
*Peter chuckles.* "I thought one of you would make that assumption. You were right about the salt of course, but you’ll find that rather than seawater the moon actually appears to formed of tears. In fact if you all care to take a look in the mirror in front of you…yes, that’s right, your reflection is weeping. Now what do you make of that Douglas... oh, he’s not here... is he ill?"
"Erm, he’s locked herself in his room sir. Last night he said he was going to walk the mirrored realm to take a look at the moon up close, and when I knocked at his door this morning I could hear him crying inside. He won’t come out, sir."
"Blast! I told you months ago that the Broken Paths were strictly off limits. Why can students never listen... alright, class is dismissed until I sort this out; Jeremy, since your head is so thick you can use it to break down the door for me..."
I have seen the Gods rouse themselves to strike at those who would harm creation.
- I am well-pleased to hear it; tell me, has the Great Isle of the South been quietened?
Yes indeed, though it is not so great any more.
-How so?
The Hunter slew the spider-beast in a mighty battle. I watched him tussle with it for an hour before he delivered a mortal blow. With a mighty crash it collapsed back into the ocean, leaving but a small island exposed where once stood its tallest mount.
- I imagine that the wave from the impact will reach here at some point and I’ll get wet feet. *Sigh* Still, a small price to pay for having things set aright.
Do not worry even about the dryness of your toes, brother, for the waves will trouble them not. Kami and his servants arrived as the battle climaxed, wearing peculiar suits of stone. They caught the wave as it passed and threw it back inwards to break upon itself. Your toes shall stay dry as will all the other lands of creation.
- I am gladdened to hear it, for I hear tell that the waters of the world are suspect now.
No longer brother, this too has changed.
- More good news! Relate then what has occurred.
I travelled to see the Dreamwalker, Yaraan, conduct his duel against Abyss. He stood upon the Cape of Good Hope and demanded that his opponent present himself. The seas answered with a colossal wave that dashed the challenger against the ground. Yet he clambered back up and as the waters of the ocean threw themselves against him, he traded blow with blow, and almost it seemed the waves grew fearful of the lone figure. It seemed that neither side could vanquish the other and the fight would reach no conclusion before the sun set.
- Yet clearly it did; what more occurred Dolfod?
Yaraan was not the only God to bring war upon the oceans. Not more than a few days after the duel began the Court of Deep Places arrived in all strength, led by the Lady of the Forests.
- That must have been a sight; not often do that court leave their homes and gather together. What did they then do?
At their Lady’s signal the Court became birds, a vast flock hovering over the ocean waters. Then they plunged into the depths, and as seabirds snatch fish from the waters, they began to pull Abyss’ wretched taint from the oceans. They dived again and again, ripping and tearing at the mockery of night that the oceans had become. They slew the strange star creatures that lived in the deep, and soon the oceans were dyed red with blood. At length they finished and the waters stilled; the Dreamwalker collected the tainted remains from the Court, and I believe that he delivered them to the underworld.
- Well then, that has ended well enough; an enemy defeated and at no loss.
No loss inflicted by the foe. There was one casualty among the Deep Places, who was struck down by an ally. As the Court wheeled as birds the lady Artemisia set upon Monsoon, and though he struggled and fought she wrought great injury upon him, eventually they broke apart and I saw Monsoon fall into the red waters below; he did not emerge.
- Ah... well that sort of unpleasantness is hardly uncommon in Artemisia’s endeavours. Is that then the end of your tale?
By no means, for the seas were still left dirtied with blood and bereft of life. Yet soon they were refreshed, for that night did Arenmei descend and wash away all remaining corruption with a great volume of pure, clear water. He refilled the ocean and then the great surge of water did flow into the world’s rivers; sweeping away all the sundry structures that man had built alongside them. Then renewed and refreshed, the rivers stretched and squirmed and began to slowly travel the lands.
- As they once did in days gone by, it is good to hear that things return to the ways of old.
Not all were so cheered by this as you brother, for many mortals found themselves flooded and with their crops ruined were resigned to starvation.
- Pah! Who is truly concerned with the plight of mewling mortals?
Evidently the Hunter was, for I saw him cut the immense legs from the spider that was Australia and then cook them in a volcano. Whereupon he gifted seven legs to the various peoples of the world, that they might have a hearty meal in these trying times. That said, I must soon be gone, there may be more still to see before the year is out.
- Life is full of hardship and trials nowadays. Truly an age has passed. Where do you go now, Dolfod?
I go back to the road - until the next time, brother.
There, there... what was your name again?
Suzy. I'm 9. Everyone in the orphanage had the nightmares too. Only little kids cry at nightmares normally but these were really scary ones.
Now listen, Suzy, I've had lots of messages, both from grown-ups and kids like you, about nightmares. I had nightmares too last night, the picture we're getting is that everyone did except the folks in New Vegas and the Cockroach Gang. The K Group's sorcerers do not know what is happening but they don't expect it to happen again tonight: they think it must be a god trying to use our nightmares for some purpose.
It scared me.
It scared everyone, Suzy. But just think for a moment: in a way, your nightmares helped the Gods, didn't they?
(sniff)... yeah.
And the Gods are there to keep us all safe and snug and to stop hideous abominations from killing us all, aren't they?
Yeah...
So aren't you pleased, in a way, that you're able to help the Gods just by dreaming?
Well, when you say it like that, I guess so. (sniff)
Well done, Suzy. How about I send you a KNNY goody-bag - what do you want to do when you grow up?
I want to be a witch for the K Group!
Well, I'll throw in a copy of Harry Potter's Gap Year, the new Harry Potter novel in which Harry and his friends take a gap year working for the K Group here in NYC before going on to University. Would you like that?
Yes please! Thank you, Uncle Cale!
Now remember, you have to work really hard in school if you want to be a witch - will you promise me that?
Yes, Uncle Cale!
Good girl! Bye bye, Suzy.
Bye bye. Oh, can I say hello to Beth and Claire and Simon?
You just did, kiddo. Hi, listeners, if you've just tuned in, listeners, this is KNNY, the Voice of Rebirth, and you're listening to the What Do I Do Now Problem Hour, with Harry Cale.
And now, a message from our sponsors.
(Sound of guitar solo.)
You've heard him as the bassist for the Holy Love Band!
(Another guitar solo.)
You've seen him on stage!
(Frenzied guitar solo over cacophonous saxophone playing and thrashing of drumkits.)
Now, listen to the marvel of Juan the Goat for yourself!
(Slow, spaced out, Pink Floyd-esque guitar solo.)
I've Got the Wisdom Beyond All Mortal Ken Cloven Hoof Blues is the new solo album - by Juan the Goat!
(Funky guitar solo with Isaac Hayes singing and Juan bleating.)
Including the fabulous number one duet with Isaac Hayes - Goat To Get It On! Buy it now at K Records!
(Hoarse bleating over a stupidly fast guitar solo and ferocious drumming.)
Or buy it direct from www.kgroup.com and be one of the lucky 200 to get the bonus disc: Juan's unreleased black metal concept album, Phantasmagorical Voyage to Mature Perversity! Performed frequently as a warm-up before Holy Love Band concerts, this is the first time these tracks have been recorded in the studio, and is the only time they will be available commercially! With the full Holy Love Band backing! Only available while stocks last!
(Different hoarse bleating over a different stupidly fast guitar solo and slightly different drumming - though frankly, it's black metal so it is very hard to tell the difference.)
We accept K Group credit cards, the New Vegas dollar, and all major barter systems! Remember, all K Music CDs are enchanted with a Curse of Explosive Diahorrea, so please don't fileshare - for your sake!
Ohayo, minna-san!!
Shindou Shuichi here, welcoming you to another broadcast from the NBC, in our new location, Downtown Tokyo!! Let's hope that our listeners can all still tune in, because the main mast on Tokyo tower was smashed rather totally by that big Mecha Fight last night! Sugoi desu, ne?! What's that about, anyway, it's bad enough the seas went bad and there were huge sea monsters, now the entire world seems to have lost the plot, it's worse than some trashy last century anime!? Thankfully, Kami-sama and his dragon/mecha entourage took charge just in time to stop the biggest tsunami in history from crushing the entire island, we'd have more than Tokyo in tatters if that had reached us, let me tell you!!
Anyway coming up in the next hour we have our usual phone-in programme ` Shut up, you bakayaro!' and everyone's favourite, the World Music News, with that great new single from the one and only Juan the bass-playing goat!! But before that, NBC would like to make a public service announcement?... Eh? What is this..?
the sound of shuffling papers is heard
Um, right, er... apparently, Joy is bad for your health... is that some kind of drug or something, who's sent this, this better not be a joke you guys, Yuki, I swear that thing with you and the fan-girls and the super-glue was not my fault, what the...?
irate murmurs are followed by the sound of rolled up newspaper connecting with head. A new voice is heard. Sorry for the minor disruption to our usual top quality service, Yuki Eiri here, with our latest story, Kami-sama has taken on even more noble duties to serve our nation, by offer his divine advice to those lovers who have been slighted or hard done by, (hmm I wonder if he's got an open slot) anyway here's our phone in programme...
...Greetings and welcome to our half hour, where I, Seguchi Tohma will listen to your, the listeners', advice, complaints and general news. But be warned, you better not bore me to tears or piss me off, or I reserve the right to tell you to `Shut up, you bakayaro!' Our first caller has decided not to give us his name, so we'll just call him Nanashi, what would you like to tell us?
`Well, I just wanted to remind people of that important service announcement, Joy really is useless you know, I wouldn't waste time with her, she's just plain...'
a buzzer sounds, cutting `Nanashi' off
Well, I'm sorry but you were warned, `Shut up, you bakayaro!' Geez, what a lame job, okay, next!
The new girl, now I don't know what to make of her, never seen her myself, but some of my reg'lars have their ways with the higher-ups, they say she'd not say boo to a goose, I ask you! How's she gonna lead the country, eh?
How's she gonna protect us from all manner o' crap that's dished out these days by the powers that be, eh? Still, better her than the other Grace type, that one's up himself and no mistake. Apparently he's finally noticed there's a world that's not to do with him, got himself an American bird I hear.
No, I don't think so, he's not like that, well you never know with royalty. There was a bit of a kerfuffle about who it'll be, two spinners in the running I heard. Well, could be, anyway, thank the gods he's not in charge then, eh?
- I am here, illiterate idiots! And it's "invocation" and "Qandisa".
Teenager 2: Woah, cool, it worked!
Teenager 1: Dude, give him the pigeon!
Teenager 2: Oh, yeah... here's your sacrifice, dude.
- Er, thank you. It's... it's not really in the sort of condition I usually expect.
Teenager 2: Dude, what do you expect, we just scraped it off the freeway.
Teenager 1: Dude, shut up.
- What charming youths you are. What a shame it will be when the shepherdess of the dead, Thalateia...
The teenagers snigger.
- What... what's so funny? All I was saying that one day Thalateia...
The teenagers burst out in gales of laughter.
- What are you laughing at?
Teenager 1: N... (giggle)... nothin', dude.
Teenager 2: (Snort) Huh, huh, he said...
- Look, you can giggle at the Names of Power all you want in your own time. You called me here to ask questions, please ask them. I'm in the middle of a card game with Kelekorax the Brutaliser.
Teenager 1: Woah, we didn't call you up to ask you about our homework.
- Why, what were you expecting me to do?
Teenager 2: We wanted to get some chicks. And beer.
- The latter can be stolen from your parents, the former will be forever beyond your grasp until you have a shower. Three questions, three answers: that's all I do.
Teenager 1: Sure thing, dude. whispered to Teenager 2 Dude, what should we ask him about?
Teenager 2: whispered We should totally get him to do all our homework. That'll be sweet!
Teenager 1: whispered Dude, we can just get that dork Ernest to do that, like we do every week.
Teenager 2: Oh, I got a good one. Hey, Mr Demon, dude?
- The name is Illisozt.
Teenager 2: Dude, I was out by the creek last night looking for a toad to lick and I totally saw these stars being dragged across the sky in a net, which was held by some other stars, and I saw a bunch more stars chasing them. What was that, dude?
- Your ineloquence confuses me, but I believe you refer to Orion dragging the Great Bear across the sky in triumph, the Little Bear giving chase and weeping.
Teenager 2: Cool!
Teenager 1: Dude, that wasn't cool, you totally wasted one of our questions!
Teenager 2: Well, you ask a better one, then!
Teenager 1: Dude, Illisozt, how come the Sun hasn't moved in the sky for a week?
- Fire-of-Noon keeps the Sun above the Cape of Good Hope, allowing Yaraan the Dreamwalker all the time he needs to defeat the abomination called Abyss.
Teenager 2: Wow, that sucked. Dude, how can we get chicks to dig us?
Teenager 1: Dude, that's a retarded question.
- Take heart, my young friends. For the force of love is rejuvenated and made anew in the world, through means I know not. If you pray to the god Woodstock, perhaps he will take pity on you - for I see no hope for you, you filthy specimens of humanity, without his aid. Perhaps if you keep licking toads and playing loud, atrocious music he will take heed.
He vanishes.
Teenager 2: Dude, that was totally a waste of a pigeon.
I'm pleased to report that thanks to the interest of several gods in the affairs of London, it has been less affected by the flooding that has affected many other major cities and has ruined the allotment. The Thames, however, had to be let free, and according to the locals had last been seen skipping over the English channel towards France.
We were lucky enough to catch the end of Lucius Fulbright's year-long art exhibition at the Tate. Mr Fulbright is one of the few artists who managed to keep working during the troubles of six years past, but nonetheless he has kept his artistic vision beautiful when there was so much ugliness in the world. His charming depictions of pastoral scenes are the envy of the world, and he is a pious man also - dedicating all his paintings to Laetatio, one of the gentlest and most merciful of the gods. We were lucky enough to obtain several prints of his work to brighten up the village hall.
We initially thought the unusual scene in the last room of the exhibition was some sort of installation: a perfectly lifelike simulacrum of the goddess Joy, sitting in front of a well-executed painting of her as if she were gazing in a mirror. It was only after we had left that exhibit behind that we were told that we had been in the presence of Joy herself! Apparently she wandered in when the exhibition began and sat there, motionless, throughout the entire year.
As we were going home, we saw Joy ascending from London in a burst of light and flying dreamwards - evidently deciding to leave once the exhibition was over.
Editor: Ethel Malone.
"The low dirty bastard assassins claimed that they come from the Middle America Aid Fund, a charitable organisation set up to help the folks who aren't in the NEW VEGAS EMPIRE OF VICE, or the K GROUP SATANIC THEOCRACY. I demanded to know where this charitable organisation was incorporated and lo and behold they come from the WITCHCRAFT-RIDDEN EAST COAST, where they give HARDCORE OCCULT PORNOGRAPHY such as HARRY LOOK AT ME IT'S COOL TO WORSHIP SATAN POTTER to beautiful, precious children. I declared that I would never submit to being aided by any of the low, dirty filth who crawl in the pit of Satan, and to prove the point I shot one of them dead. The other ran away before I could hit him. It's only a matter of time before the black helicopters come now..." fzzzt...
And the spikes are gone, and the Unreal are no longer imprisoned. They pour out of the entrance to the Tower, cast down the Seal of Time left on the comings and goings about the tower, and soon Dream is swarming with them. The Moon which, very briefly, was full of tears, becomes quicksilver once more, but not before becoming blood: the Unreal have overwhelmed the Realm of Mirrors.
Fracorise, Breaker-of-Hearts, and Alicia the Faithful (High Priestess of the Startouched, the cult of Destia) - both having recently become goddesses, come running to the assembled gods. Weeping, they explain how Destia had made them divine in preparation for a great sacrifice she was preparing to make, and had entered the Fortress of the Unreal. And then the Gods of the Underworld appeared, and told of how they had given Destia her honour-guard to take her down to the Underworld, and how they had seen much within the Fortress of the Unreal but would tell more of it later.
Then a messenger from the Unreal came, and was seized by Checkaveee, his eyes burning with the righteous fury that the Old Gods amongst the gathering remembered from the First War. He forced the creature to give its message without weasel-words or beguiling tricks, and the Unreal thing stated that the forces of the Is Not had taken the Realm of Mirrors as a statement of intent and to repay the debt incurred by Destia, who (they suggested) had breached hospitality in a foul manner, killing several Unreal and destroying a valuable item which had been in their possession. It stated that the Unreal were still willing to host the meeting, and to show good faith would not attack the gods except in self-defence as they journeyed through Dream to the fortress, and they would also allow the Gods to leave Dream unmolested.
Checkaveee sent a Seneschal forth to guide the gods. The Dreamwalker would not come, his duty compelling him to marshall the guardians of the Wall of Dream, and Checkaveee went with him to lend his aid, for Checkaveee has ever been a fearsome warrior against the Unreal. It is now time to get to know the enemy well indeed, for the next time you meet the Unreal face-to-face it could be in a battle for your very life and Name...