EXCLUSIVE

MILLENIALIST CRACKS FOUNTAIN MYSTERY: DANNIKEN'S LAST GIFT

Earlier this month, the Red Dragon Star reported that fountains in New Taeorn had begun to inexplicably rotate. Intrigued, crack Millenialist reporters searched out construction reports, old City records, and finally one of the few surviving servants of the late, great Watchmaker Tilda Danniken in order discover their true purpose.

As many of the older citizens of New Taeorn will remember from their childhoods, Ms. Danniken was one of the greatest watchmakers ever to grace New Taeorn. After many drinks and a guarantee of anonymity, one of her oldest servants revealed that the spinning fountains (located at different places in New Taeorn and rotating at different rates) were one of her last projects. According to him, the fastest fountain makes one rotation every minute, while the slowest (a fountain whose rotation had not yet been observed) should revolve at the rate of once a year. They only recently began to work because they are powered by an underground resevoir which only filled within the last month.

The purpose of such machinery is highly in doubt, although the style of its execution fits Ms. Danniken's eccentric reputation. "I don't know what possible use it is," remarked the head of the New Taeorn Watchmaker's Guild. "After all, you can only tell what minute, quarter-hour, hour, half-day, or day it is if you are standing at the proper fountain, have accurate measuring tools, and know what you are looking for. And of course, since the fountains are in different locations, you could only get one of those pieces of information. I suppose if you were touched by Land, you might be able to tell the time, but it's not like our city is short of clocks anyway." As strange and silly as the project might seem, however, the story of these bizarre public works projects is circulating wildly, usually with an amused chuckled from the citizenry.

SEVEN ANGERS ANGER, SPURNED BY HARPIES

Mercenary Captain Seven has been driven out of the flock by her fellow Harpies. Crack Millenialist reporters were unable to confirm the rumours, but several friends of the Harpies have related tales of an unfortunate love affair between Seven and another Harpy known as Anger. These kiss-and-tell tales have varied wildly in (highly graphic) particulars, however: if you want speculation on the dirty details, we suggest a subscription to the Red Dragon Star.

Seven's next project is unknown, but it is unlikely she'll be working with her old crew any time soon.

GIFTED BLAMED AS EARTHQUAKES CLAIM ONE MORE TOWN OF INNOCENTS

More grumbles were heard in New Taeorn, as villagers blamed the Gifted of acting like "rough-and-tumble" gods. The discontent was sparked by the destruction Jimmil, a small village within the dominion of New Taeorn and near Hass. Only a small chasm sprawls across what was once a peaceful, idyllic town.

"Of course it's the Gifted," said Curly McGurkin, a New Taeorn tavernkeeper. "They're the only ones who move the earth around here, and we all just wish they'd do it with a bit less bloody frequency.

RANNA TRIAL SAID CRUX TO PEACE: INTERFERENCE BY GIFTED FEARED

The good news: it doesn't look like Nitlas is going to descend into the ravages of civil war. This is mostly due to the hard-working diplomatic efforts of Crown Prince Tarin Andor, whose name appears in papers so often that both the Millenialist and [reportedly] the Red Dragon Star have had crafted special printer's blocks to save time. Both sides seem to have had time to sit down and calm themselves.

The bad news: it may not last. A trial is taking place in Ranna to determine whether minor noble Hans Von Migotz instigated a war between the Plainsmen and the Papacy in order to further his own ends. Should he be found guilty, observers worry that conflict could break out between his native supporters and the Plainsmen, who would no doubt want to execute the scoundrel. But if new evidence (of which there have been a number of rumours) proves correct, and Migotz is innocent of the charges, the Plainsmen are left wondering who set them up. In any event, the trial has been marked by fear, controversy, and suspicion on both sides, with accusations of unfair influence by Mind-touched individuals abounding...

LOST AND FOUND

As a service to our readers, the Millenialist prints the following:

LOST: A Small Jade Dragon statuette from Chamata. Last seen in the Grand Bazaar in Delam. Contact Ocar Tirr at Tirr Estates, Delam. LOST: My heart to that beautiful lady of the gifted. From a secret [and loopy -- Ed.] admirer.

PRESUMED VICTIM OF FOUL PLAY: Last week, the following advertisement was taken out in the Lost and Found: "FOUND: Small child, answers to the name of Elspeth. Any takers?" The individual who placed this ad was burnt to death in a fire which was first assumed to be an accident. Millenialist reporters have discovered that it was actually the result of force-touched mischief.

Brought to you by:

PROF. SWITZER'S DARK SUGAR INGOTS

Last month, the latest candies of Dr. Switzer, a New Taeorn Confectioner Extraordinare, were sent to every head of state who had not already been assassinated, gotten rid of in war, or eaten by mysterious earthquakes. The response was quite favorable, at least according to their poison-testers. "Yep, great stuff," said Nicti Gruppo [name changed]. "Tasted kind of bitter and really sweet. Each one had a different filling. I've been recommending 'em to my boss every chance I get. These thing's'll sell so well, the guy who made 'em could one day buy his own country." We don't know about that, but we hope you'll find them the tastiest thing you've had in ages.

ANGEL SIGHTINGS IN GREAT DESERT: WONDER WOMAN WEEPING FOR KOFAX THE CHASTE?

A lone pilgrim (whose name changes with each informant) seems to have seen a beautiful golden figure weeping over the Shrine of Saint Kofax in the Great Desert. Supposedly gifted with great glowing wings that stretch twice the breadth of a tall man, sightings of the figure have become more common with each passing week.

Theories regarding the strange apparition have varied. While some cynics have described the entire thing as the cruel machinations of a Mind-touched prankster, various of the faithful have interpreted the visions as messages from Saint Kofax. Indeed, one pilgrim who claims to have seen the weeping beauty said, "She said she weeps as the Saint does, because of the growing licentiousness of the people of the world. Women are going out of doors without proper head-covering, men are coveting women who are not their wives: what can the Saint do but weep?" Other observers have been spreading what is either a rumour or a dirty joke: that Saint Kofax had been walking the earth in New Taeorn, and was seduced by one of their wily women. According to this story, the weeping figure is the Saint's mother...more as this story developes...

SIR TIM, SIR TIM, HAVE YOU NOTHING BETTER TO DO?

Speaking of licentiousness, Sir Tim hosted another party, this time in Baria. The feasting, celebrating, and other revelry has kept the entire town talking ever since, at least those that have recovered...

EDITORIAL: THE KINDNESS OF STRANGERS

Just last week, an interesting idea struck me out of the blue. Without knowing why, really, I took out some of my oldest clothes, rolled them around in some mud, put them on, and walked out into the streets. Finding some alleyway, I sat down to see, from the bum's-eye-view, what our fair city is like.

In actuality, I was pleasantly surprised. Of course, there were those who pretended I was invisible. This was actually quite entertaining, as you'd be surprised the gossip they'd chatter about when only I was around. After they handed me a copper or two (maybe), they'd chat about affairs of state and the boudoir, giving me enough tidbits to send over the the Red Dragon Star. (I was feeling generous.)

But the good, sweet, heartening thing was that, in my time of "need," there were a lot of citizens who helped out. We've been having a lot of troubles recently, what with the wars and the quakes and other distress, but our people are still good, kind, and generous. I collected a total in change that was almost enough for a room for the night, and three people brought me either water or food. I thanked them, and many of them asked if I was a fugitive from the Papacy or a survivor of Jimmil: either response brought me the kindness of strangers.

So often, this paper is forced to write of the disasters caused by a few powerful miscreants, or disasters brought on by the fickle forces of Nature. But just remember, whenever you read them, that there are a thousand unsung heroes in just this city, and that this is their paper too.

-M. F.