ANDOR RETIRE? SAY IT AIN'T SO!

The Millenialist would like to be the first to voice its protest in the face of the many rumours being bandied about regarding the imminent retirement of King Tarin Andor. The wise and (so it seems) principled ruler has (according to many top aides and Barons "in the know") been considering stepping down, in favor of a privy council. While he would leave a successor, that person's powers would be greatly reduced, in favour of the new councillors.

Andor's otherwise level-headed leadership has left outside observers stunned at this decision. First of all, there aren't enough leaders "worth a brass hatpin" (to quote one Baron) to form a privy council. Secondly, the legitimacy of such a body would be in question from the start, because the true identity of the King is in question. Speculations as to who has snatched the rightful monarch and replaced him include such various figures as Morgan Blackhawk and the editor of the Red Dragon Star. An anonymous source inside the palace was quoted as saying, "Well, it could be Mr. Blackhawk: he's cruel enough right now. But if you'd seen the ladies goin' in and out of the palace, well, you'd have to think that only the Red Dragon 'd like that kind of woman..."

ELLAND DECLARED: NORTHERN WASTES NEVER HAD IT SO GOOD

The mysterious Lady Elspeth (of known association with the Gifted, although it is unknown whether the Lady is gifted herself) has declared herself Empress of the Northern Wastes. Her proclamation has caused great consternation within the diplomatic corp: "i claim the northern wastes as my land which will be called Elland from now on. anyone like me who doesn't have a home is welcome to live here." Senior diplomats have openly pondered whether an "empress" who cannot master the simple rules of capitalization ought truly to hold power.

However, the natives of the Northern Wastes (such as they are) seem not to have objected. Cynical political observers have pointed out that this might be because, communications being what they are, they have not noticed their new citizenship in the Elland Empire.

WE'RE KIND WHEN WE'RE CRUEL: THE PAPACY BECOMES MORE EFFICIENT

Rampant cruelty is going out of fashion in the Papacy, thanks to Pope Scriven's kinder, gentler face of God. Witch burnings have fallen 57%, kidnapping and reducation 311%, and ceremonial sacrifice an awe-inspiring 78%. Part of the reason for this is that the more violent, old-style priests have been the re-educated (or some would say sacrificed) in the face of the Reform movement.

Some are not happy with the situation, however: Scriven's Minister for Enlightenment Brandon is described as "too efficient at changing things, days were better when God was content to just be God, and not change things!" by many traditionalists within the clergy.

UNDEAD ARMY HELD OFF AT CHAMATA

Slimy, dripping corpses, the funky remains of the "dead of a thousand ancient battles" are marching out of the Kshi-Mshi desert in well-ordered battalions, towards Chamata. The leader of this assault is unknown, but the ancestor-worshipping Chamatans have fled in terror before the hordes.

However, the battle has recently taken a turn for the better, due to the courageous leadership of Akato Tang-Chan. Mr. Tang-Chan's forces are said to have broken the invading force, and are even now driving it into the desert. However, tales of once-bitten soldiers turning into green, putrid walking corpses has lowered Chamatan morale, and accurate reports from the front are difficult to come by.

GUR GETS A WEEK OFF: CITIZENS DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO

"Well, to be honest, the roof needs fixin'. And the crops have needed some tendin' to ever sent that pack of ruffians burnt 'em last week. Oh yeah, and then at some point I really ought to go lookin' for the wife. Been gone three months, that one she 'as, but now that it's quieted down some, it's really silent without 'er."

Those were common words in Gur this week, were, after months of earthquake, famine, disease, bloodshed, burning, pillage, and plunder, life has returned to normal. Most recently, a series of raids and fires struck Gur, but even these have subsided, leaving a pleasant hum over the city.

E'KOYONI'S FORESAKE CRIME FOR A BEER AND A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP

A new chain of taverns and inns, based upon the improbable theme of cattle, are opening in New Taeorn. Tacky as they seem, with names like "The Moo Under Water" and "The Cresent Moo," they seem popular with the populace, and that's what counts. Brainchild of Pauli E'Koyoni, they are a departure from the rumoured business of crime common to his family.

The move into more respectable businesses is becoming more and more common for the E'Koyoni families these days. When asked why, a senior member of the family replied, "Well, there's just too much government competition in the crime racket these days... have you looked at the council lately?"

LADY ALLYSA WELL LOVED LADY: TELLS CULT WORLD WILL END WHEN IT DOES

Lady Allysa has now united the city states under her name, having become Lord Protector of Chamata, Irridol, and Delam. Despite rumours that, in her youth, she was a member of a cult dedicated to the destruction of life as we know it, the people love her. "Who hasn't done stuff when they're young and stupid," said Alfrk Gerkin, 18.

Indeed, those rumours have now been revised, emphasizing that because of her influence, this death cult has become far less menacing to citizenry. Things are booming in the city states, and unless our Lady gets caught in a sex scandal or a business recession, she's likely to remain on top for a while.